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REQUIEM

Below are the two final essays to be posted on Allegiance and Duty Betrayed. The first one is written by a friend -- screen name 'Euro-American Scum' -- who, over the past four years, has been the most faithful essayist here. He has written about everything from his pilgrimage to Normandy in 2004 to take part in the 60th–year commemoration of the invasion, to his memories of his tour in Vietnam. His dedication to America’s founding principles ... and those who have sacrificed to preserve them over the past 200+ years ... is unequaled. Thank you, E-A-S. It has been a privilege to include your writing here, and it is a privilege to call you my friend.

The second essay is my own farewell. And with it I thank all of the many regular visitors, and those who may have only dropped in occasionally, for coming here. I hope you learned something. I hope a seed or two was planted. But, even if not, I thank you for stopping by ... 25 March, 2010

10/21/2008

The Case of the Missing Records

Columbo.jpg

Excuse me, Mr. Obama. I didn’t mean to startle you, sir. You must be real focused on that paper, sir. Is that a picture of an acorn in the corner there, sir?

The acorn ... are you a member of one of those environmentalist groups? You know, the kind that’re into saving trees and all? I love trees, sir. The wife and I sometimes drive up the coast ... some of those redwoods are two hundred years old, sir … but acorns ...

Oh, sorry, sir ... I know you’re real busy with important stuff. I mean I’ve never talked to somebody who was running for President, sir ... ah ... I hate to bother you, but just a minute of your time is all I’ll take, sir. Okay, sir?

See, I have these missing pieces that are keeping me from wrapping this up. I’m almost there, sir ... just a few loose ends and I’ll be outta your hair ... and you can get back to saving the trees, sir.

By the way, did I mention that the wife is crazy about you? She loves the way you talk so smooth without a teleprompter. You do talk without a teleprompter, don’t you, Senator? The wife ... she says your words remind her of a velvet glove, sir. They make her feel so comfortable and safe, sir ...

Oh, sorry sir, I didn’t mean to get off track here.

I’ll just take a minute of your time here ... just a few details, Senator. I sometimes get hung up on details. Drives the wife nuts, but it’s just the way I am, sir. I’ll get these details all ironed out and I’ll be outta your hair in a heartbeat, sir. Don’t want to hold you up ... you’re running for President and all.

I promised the wife I’d wrap this up this afternoon and take her to Eat ‘n Park for supper. She loves the tuna melt at Eat n’ Park. Me, I’m partial to their mushroom cheeseburgers. Man, my mouth waters just thinkin’ about ‘em. Ever been there, sir ... Eat n’ Park?

No, huh? You oughta try it sometime.

Anyway, back to basics here, sir ... like I said, sir, I can’t seem to fill in a couple blanks here. I’m sure it’s ... ah ... just some bureaucratic blunder or something, so if you could just tell me where these things are, I’ll be outta your way like I said ... in a heartbeat.

I have 'em ... I have 'em written down here somewhere for you ... a list. Oh, wait ... sorry about the wetness, sir. My dog ... I call him ‘Dog’, sir. The wife and I racked our brains for days and days tryin’ to come up with a good name for a sorry lookin’ basset ...

What? Oh, sorry, sir. I tend to get sidetracked.

Anyway, my list is kind of wet, sir, so I’ll just read it off to you. Don’t want to have to make you wash your hands ...

There’s ... let’s see ... there’s about a dozen things I can’t seem to put my hands on. When I try to find ‘em, they’re all labeled ‘not to be released’ or ‘not available’.

It’s almost like you’re some kind of alien ... you know, like a guy in the movies who’s sent down from some far planet and he has no history. Sometimes he has no fingerprints ... imagine that ... you have fingerprints, Senator?

The Body Snatchers ... those pod people ... they had no fingerprints. The wife and I ... when we saw that movie in the movies, she ...

Oh, sorry, sir ... it’s the sugar. I had a cruller on my way over here ... can’t seem to drive by Dunkin’ Donuts without goin’ in for one of their crullers. Boy, you put a mushroom cheeseburger together with a great cruller and you got a meal fit for a ...

Ah, sir. I’m sorry ... back to these loose ends ...

Your birth certificate. I can’t seem to find a record of your birth certificate, sir. You have one of them, right sir? If you don’t, you know you can get a duplicate sent to you. I think it costs somethin’ ... twenty bucks maybe ... but it’d be worth gettin’ a copy of … being as your running for president and all.

And your Selective Service registration records. They won’t release them, sir. You did register with Selective Service, didn’t you, sir?

Your medical records, Senator. Most presidents release their medical records, just so we can know we’re not electing somebody who might be dangerous ... or really sick or something ... so I’m askin’ you to do that for us ... have them release those records, sir, if it’s not too much trouble, sir.

Your records and major papers from Occidental, Columbia and Harvard, sir. All of those colleges tell me they’ve been instructed not to release anything about you, Senator. We’d be interested to know what you studied there, sir, and what your ideas were. If you don’t mind, that is …

Your thesis paper from Columbia ... I think that would be interesting to us all, sir. You must be proud of that, sir, so we’d really like to take a gander at it ... if you don’t mind, that is ...

Your records from your law practice and professorship, sir ... you know, who you represented in court cases ... and what articles you published in the Harvard Law Review or while you were lecturing at the University of Chicago. I keep comin’ up with a big dead end on that, sir ... and I know I must be lookin’ in the wrong places ... or something ...

And your records from when you served in the Senate in Illinois. They seem to be lost or something ... everyone I hunt down who should know where they are tells me they’re ‘not available’. You must have copies of some of that yourself, sir. Such a distinguished career ... the papers have to be somewhere ...

Oh? You have to meet Senator Biden for lunch? If you wouldn’t mind, sir, I could join you, and we could wrap this up over a couple of mushroom cheese burgers.

Oh, okay. I see. Hey, listen. I know you’re busy. If this is too much stuff for you to get ahold of today, tell you what ... I’ll stop back tomorrow. Maybe I’ll even bring the wife. She’s a big fan.

I mean, I know you’re busy.

I’ll just let myself out ... and I’ll be back tomorrow ... and the day after ... and the day after. I’d appreciate it, though, if you could get this stuff to me within the next couple of weeks, sir. Time is kinda running short here ...

~ joanie

(Thanks, L.M., for the suggestion, the list of 'missing' items, and permission to use and embellish the idea.) :)

29 comments:

Steve Bannister said...

What a hilarious treatment of a terrible subject! Thank you!

lori_gmeiner said...

I LOVE Columbo!

Thanks, I needed that! ;)

kathymlynczak said...

About halfway through this, I started hearing Peter Falk's voice reading the words.

Great job, Joanie!

john galt said...

If Peter Falk weren't a liberal, this would be funnier. But I guess it wouldn't work with Tom Selleck as the detective, huh? ;)

no_way_a_liberal said...

I almost wet myself. I can practically see Peter Falk scratching his head with the stump of a cigar in his hand.

Anonymous said...

Funny stuff!

boss tweed said...

I didn't know about the selective service records. Just one more thing to add to the list of insults. The man's not even fit to be dog catcher.

Proudpodunknative said...

This would be a great skit on SNL. Think they'll pick it up? :)

First_Salute said...

Knowing that Bill Clinton (and Hillary) campaigned as "liberal middle-of-the-road 'Republicans'" covering up their left-wing position, Obama is quite the contrast, barely able to campaign as a liberal Democrat, covering up his "moderately communist" position - publicly 'redistributed' thru the liberal media, as "socialism-lite."

All ignoring what Obama's campaign have kept from the public, the documentation of his personal, political foundation rooted in Marxist, semi-anarchist ideology.

He offers, not "hope," but utopian-collegial coffee-shop comaradery ... to voters, federally-supported at university.

Which leaves un-examined by such students - who are supposed to be learning, to know *better* - that socialism does not work, except where some greater, and more free, nation just happens to be your friend.

With the U.S. going into hibernation as an Obamanation lurks about, searching for what it shall claim of yours, not merely property, but ALL of our Bill of Rights, the job of Obama will be to continue to act as the hale-fellow-well-met poster-boy for socialism as the communistic thought police, now, then purge every possible public office and institute their own "loyal people" in law enforcement and military departments.

Obama, in a left-wing-nut-shell, is a front for the core thought-police structure that the anarchist-like-minded - so-called "socialists" cannot wait to institute.

"But I supported you!" will be the cry from many limousine liberals and "socialists" at university, as their property is taken and they are FORCED into military service.

The so-smug and so-self-"actualized" have no idea what they are dealing with, and it is not Obama, it is his army of anti-American fascists.

Odd, that, how once-upon-a-time, the campus liberals were non-violent, but now they dismiss the pro-violent roots of Obama's political cohorts' "up-bringing."

What an Obama Administration will bring, more than anything else, is Socialist State Security.

All kinds of supposedly non-violent, can't get enough of their iPod student bodies, who right now, decry "war," will join and be at war, and in war, because they were not against war *imprimis."

They, Obama's legions, were, and are, mostly in angst, self-enveloped, and thus vulnerable to charismatic leadership at any price.

And people wonder why and how "so many smart young people in Germany followed Hitler."

You are now a witness. "It" was not anti-Semitism.

"It" was an unwillingness to stand up against what is wrong, when that means standing up, alone, against "all the fun" that it appears, your fellow students are having as "members of that group."

You will watch many "liberals" who claim to be "self-empowered," actually prove to be, by their actions, entitled-by-the-state and "enjoying" their new-found police powers.

The rebirth of fascist nationalizing-socialism as the order of the day, and, these young dictators of all ranks, issuing the orders.

I won't be waiting around, to see and hear from my liberal friends, "I did not think it would come to this."

I'll be long gone.


First_Salute

John Cooper said...

Great post, F_S. Yeah, the liberals will be screaming, "We didn't know!" and "We didn't mean it!" as their children are hauled off to Obama's labor camps...er...National Service Corps.

LouBarakos said...

Mushroom cheese burgers. Yum! :-)

Thanks for the laugh Joanie.

LouBarakos said...

I like your analysis, First Salute,
the bottom line of which is:

They, Obama's legions, were, and are, mostly in angst, self-enveloped, and thus vulnerable to charismatic leadership at any price.

cw-patriot said...

Absolutely brilliant, First_Salute!

I attempted to cull out a few sentences on which to comment, but had trouble finding just a few that deserve scrutiny from us all.

Your use of the term ‘hibernation’ is wonderful. I prefer it to ‘death’. It inspires a sense of hope in a hopeless time.

… the documentation of his personal, political foundation rooted in Marxist, semi-anarchist ideology …

That a man could be running for president, and the mainstream media could be so blatantly attempting to keep such associations under wraps, while demonizing those who are attempting to uncover them, would have been inconceivable fifty years ago.

They, Obama's legions, were, and are, mostly in angst, self-enveloped, and thus vulnerable to charismatic leadership at any price.

So many of the useful idiots are indeed going to be surprised at the results of their idiocy. But, saddest of all, is that you, and the rest of that shrinking minority that has attempted (in vain) to awaken them before the steamroller cannot be stopped, will suffer equally. And ‘I told you so’ just will not bring any satisfaction.

The character (or lack thereof) of many of Obama’s supporters was revealed in all its ignominy during a rally yesterday when Obama asserted, ‘After eight years of Bush and McCain economics, the pie is shrinking, and what’s left of the pie has been eaten by millionaires and billionaires … Everyone here wants some pie.

To which the throng of useful idiots began chanting, ‘We want pie! We want pie!

You and I, and the readers here, don’t want government pie. We want government to get out of the way, and allow us to furnish our own. But it appears that the shackles are going to be tightening dramatically over the next four years, and much of what we’ve managed to save over our lifetimes is going to be declared to be part of a ‘public pot’.

Not to mention our liberties … and our sovereignty as a nation.

Thank you for the excellent (as always) commentary, F_S. Your vision, even in a smoke-and-mirrors climate, is always 20/20.

~ joanie

marcus aurelius said...

Time is kinda running short here ...

I just watched Obama on Fox giving a "statement" that amounted to a fifteen minute indictment of the Bush administration, and, by association, the McCain candidacy.

It was fifteen minutes of free television campaign time, as if he doesn't have the money to pay for such.

Anonymous said...

ROTFLMAO!

siliconvalleyguy said...

Joanie, this is no laughing matter...but you made me laugh anyway! ;)

danthemangottschall said...

The birth certificate thing is wierd especially. Why won't he produce a simple piece of paper and put the question to rest?

ralph ebersole said...

There are reports that Obama refuses to produce his birth certificate, but there are also reports that he has, but the certificate is a phony.

I sure would like to get to the bottom of that. Does anyone have any reliable information?

Thanks for the very funny piece Joanie!

Anonymous said...

Obama, the Media, and the Legacy of the Swift Boat Veterans

The puzzle pieces are falling into place, and a chilling picture is emerging:

Barack Obama’s mentor and long-time minister Jeremiah Wright called upon God to “damn America.” Wright also preached that America deserved the 9/11 attacks, and claimed that the US government created AIDS in order to kill black people.

Obama worked closely for several years with the former Weather Underground bomber Bill Ayers. Ayers hosted the fundraiser that launched Obama’s political career with his wife Bernardine Dohrn, also a communist and a former terrorist.


As an attorney in Illinois, Obama represented ACORN, the radical community organizing group that set the stage for the 2008 financial crisis by pressuring banks to make high-risk mortgage loans. Obama later sent millions of dollars to ACORN while working with Bill Ayers at the Chicago Annenberg Challenge. In 2007 Obama promised ACORN members that if elected, he would be “calling all of you in” during the post-election transition “to help us shape the agenda.” His presidential campaign paid the group more than $800,000 in 2008. ACORN is currently being investigated for election fraud in more than a dozen states.


Obama’s primary financial backer in Chicago, political fixer Tony Rezko, was convicted of 16 felonies including fraud, money laundering and abetting bribery.

Archived documents of the Marxist Chicago “New Party” show that Obama was a member in the 1990’s. His campaign had previously denied any connection.

In 2006, Obama spent six days in Kenya campaigning for Marxist presidential candidate Raila Odinga. His Senate staff coordinated donations to Odinga’s campaign totaling nearly $1 million. Obama declared at numerous rallies that Kenyans “are now yearning for change.” Meanwhile, Odinga signed a declaration of understanding with Muslim leaders recognizing Islam as Kenya’s “only true religion.” After Odinga’s defeat, his thugs started riots that killed at least 1,000 people and destroyed or damaged 800 Christian churches. More than 50 people, mostly women and children, were burned to death in a single church while men with machetes attacked anyone who tried to escape. Kenya’s elected government was then forced to accept a “power-sharing” agreement with Odinga’s party.

Obama has been praised by Fidel Castro, Daniel Ortega, and the terrorist group Hamas. Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan says Obama is “the Messiah.”
America’s “mainstream” media organizations have gone out of their way to ignore or dismiss these disturbing facts, protecting the flawed candidate they favor – a man who could not pass the background check required to obtain a basic security clearance.

Instead, they spend their time investigating the life of “Joe the Plumber,” to deflect attention away from Barack Obama’s revealing promise to “spread the wealth around.”

---

In 2004, the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth showed how to beat the media’s rigged game.

They took their testimony about John Kerry’s past directly to the public, bypassing the outraged old media “gatekeepers.” And the public found their charges to be credible.

A key reason for their success was the rise of a new American media. A host of bloggers, talk radio hosts and cable network interviewers stepped up to investigate the Swift Vets’ remarkable array of charges against Kerry. They did the real journalism that old media organizations had largely abandoned in their zeal to support the Democratic candidate.

The political movement the Swift Vets spearheaded was the key factor in Kerry’s defeat.

After failing to silence or discredit the veterans, the old media adopted the smear phrase “swift boating” to discourage others from following the Swift Vets’ example. Barack Obama also uses the term, to attack anyone who criticizes his actions and associations.

John Cooper said...

Bill Ayers Forgotten Communist Manifesto: Prairie Fire

First_Salute said...

The much-posted Certificate of Live Birth ("COLB"), allegedly Obama's, is only a certificate that verifies that *some other document or documents* exist that testify to the place, date, time, etc. of Barry Dunham's birth.

What the actual document is, or documents are, can and may be papers that are *not* a birth certifcate, but rather, affidavits and the like, which claim that Barry Dunham was "born at home between the hours of ..." (parents and witnesses, sign here).

Now, if Barry Dunham was actually born in Africa, but upon his relatives' uring, his mom managed to get herself and the baby to Hawaii within days of his birth, then who is to argue with the claims of the witnesses?

Probably such a "just under the wire" event happens, not a lot, but it happens, and without any complaints about it, filed at the time, the matter rests.

Technically, Barry Dunham could have been born in Africa, but by chance a claim of his American birthplace made it under the wire.

The aforementioned COLB, is a nice way of satisfying legal requirements without revealing the drama of the birth.

Would be my guess, to put a spin on it *for* the candidate.

On the other hand, there are indications that the COLB is actually a doctored rendition of his sister's COLB ... but that could have been a clerical error, something erased by the admin offices of the hospital, when some clerk got a bit confused trying to sort out the notes on the matter of the ... drama ... whatever that was.

More than likely, that was about some kind person, whom Obama supporters would detest because of that person's Christian nature, yet who cut some red tape regarding the birth of the boy, and such a person (or persons) wishes to remain anonymous, particularly now.


First_Salute

cw-patriot said...

John, the contents of that Ayers link should be headline news. Every voter should be aware of what it contains. But hardly any of them are.

I was in a local Mennonite supermarket today. One of the cashiers (not apparently Mennonite, but still a rural resident) was sporting an Obama/Biden button.

I was half tempted to ask her whether she was aware of their acutal agenda, but I am beyond that kind of confrontation anymore -- it doesn't do any good.

And anyway, I am nearly certain that she hasn't a clue what is in store for her when they take over the White House -- and she is representative of probably 80%-90% of those who intend to vote for the Terrible Two.

cw-patriot said...

From Squantos at FR:

Obama BS’s his way through life looking for handouts ... someone to never trust with anything of value, be it a vote or cash or control of you and your future.

He’s just a transient, vagrant, bum, hobo, etc. in a suit given him by taxpayers.

cw-patriot said...

A Pennsylvania source has just leaked me brand spanking new poll data showing GOP upstart Bill Russell leading John Murtha among over 800 probable voters by 48-35.

Breaking News: Poll Shows Russell Over Murtha, 48-35

That'll show him, calling western Pennsylvanians 'racist'!

SharonGold said...

Joanie,

McCain’s Path to Victory Through Pennsylvania

Facing seemingly limited options for getting to an Electoral College majority, John McCain’s path to victory likely runs through Pennsylvania, a state that no Republican presidential candidate has won in two decades, a state in which he trails in the polls by a wide margin and a state where in the past year more than a half-million new Democrats have been added to the voter registration rolls.

It’s an unenviable position to be in, except for one thing: Nearly everyone in a position to know thinks the race for Pennsylvania’s 21 electoral votes is considerably tighter than what recent polls reveal.

Anonymous said...

Good work!

trustbutverify said...

Thanks, I needed that! ;)

trustbutverify said...

Obama Refuses to Answer Birth Certificate Lawsuit

Luis said...

Great post Joanie.

I had no idea about this birth certificate issue. The media in the UK while largely preparing for an Obama "coronation" mentioned nothing on this. All they mention is negatives on McCain and Palin. Talk about one-sided but I guess they are just following your own MSM.

Many thanks for enlightening me on this subject.

It is good you managed to inject some humour into this subject that all too easily can get depressing !